I feel lucky.  
I am 65, 
live in an old house that needs a bit of TLC, 
gratefully divorced, 
and my children and their others are always about.  
It is a busy place, 
but I don’t mind the sweet noises.  
I am not alone.
Even though I love quite and solitude,
I am grateful.
It is good to not be alone at this time in my life
Knowing how quickly the next 20 years will pass 
Should I live that much longer in good health.

I am at an age where so many people I have known and loved
Are dead and gone.
Death was made flesh and dwelt too close for delusions and denial.
I can see that I am going to die in the not-so-distant future.
It doesn’t bother me like it used to
I’m more concerned for those I leave behind
Knowing that I loved them deeply
And it will rip, and tear their hearts so violently.
I woke up the other day after dreams of death and dying—
A general dream that I, my children, and all future generations die, are gone
And I woke wondering what was the point of life and sentience?

There are times when I think that our dreams of heaven are just a way of not dealing with death.
So many mind games our need to deny will play on us.
Heaven as denial—we don’t really die we go to heaven.
Death as bargaining—We’ll see them again if we keep the faith.
Death as a reward for misery—We will have riches in heaven.
Death as justice and vengeance—those non-believers, heretics, apostates, sinners will burn for all eternity.

As for me, I have no idea what happens at death.
I do think that love is now.
Love is God quite literally.
When I love, God is flowing out of me.
When I feel love, God is flowing to me from someone else.
We are the incarnation of love when we love.
This is all I am really sure of.

When I pray, Thy Kingdom come
I am saying let love flow through me into this world.
In this way the Kingdom comes
There is no political Kingdom of Heaven.
It is the big point the Disciples missed 
And, too frequently, still miss.

So my house is full of people to love.
I feel so very lucky.








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